• We may be glass-half-full types, but there is only one word necessary to summarise our guesses for Round 22 of the Toyota 2019 AFL Premiership competition.

    In the interest of propriety, however, we will not use that word in public and will settle for something more acceptable.

    Bollocks.

    First, we skipped entirely the game between St. Kilda and Carlton. WE probably would have backed the Saints, but it matters not. Kudos to the nearly 52,000 who showed up at MCG for nothing. Were they admitted gratis?

    We picked three right and five wrong. We had $300 in stakes returned and $500 into the bookies’ bags. Dividends before fees equated to $403, handing us our worst week of the season.

    Here are our imaginary guesses for the final round. Please remember that we are not suggesting anyone use our guesses to make actual wagers. We say that as though a look at our results from Round 22 alone are not enough to convince.

    Collingwood versus Essendon at MCG has some meaning for the Pies. A win could get them into the top four if Richmond falls to Brisbane. Collingwood are favoured heavily, so we will back them for the imaginary $135.

    Sydney and St. Kilda could be dispensed with, but the Swans for $145 from a $100 punt sounds good .

    The Roos and the Dees is another end-of-fixture game with little on the line. North Melbourne is our selection for $127.

    Although it is tempting to back Carlton for handing the reins going forward to no-longer-simply-caretaker Brendon Bolton, logic dictates we back the Cats to bring $116.

    GWS should bring us $105 because, well, Gold Coast. The Suns have the spoon secured. Gold Coast have not won since Round 4 and they very nearly surrendered their bye. That is how bad they have been.

    We have no choice but to take the Eagles over the Hawks for $125, but the Hawks have skin in the game and could get into finals with a win and a loss by the Dogs, so we will chase the $390 for Hawthorn and pray to Saint Polly for Adelaide to beat the Dogs.

    All the same, we are taking the Western Bulldogs to beat the Crows for $133, even if Adelaide play like Martians.

    The jewel of the fixture is Richmond versus Brisbane at MCG. The Tigers could ascend to the top with a win and are favoured, but we like the Lions in the Tigers’ den for $275.

    Port and Fremantle in Adelaide will find us elsewhere, as this game means nothing, but we will take the Power for $138.

    One moment while we do some finger counting.

    We have confirmed that we can count to nine.

    Good luck to everyone and remember to conserve some funds for finals.